Demo Announcement, and Thoughts on Hypnotist's Trance

Hi all! I've been not-posting for far longer than I'd have liked, and would really like to get back on track.

The most exciting news right now is - I'm doing another hypnosis demo! This one is going to be for my current kink community, with Lovely Petal as my assistant and demo bottom, and it will be one year to the day of my last hypnosis demo (February 11). I am extremely excited for this!

Alongside that news, I thought I'd throw in some thoughts on hypnotist's trance.

It is said - often - in the erotic hypnosis community that any hypnotist worth his salt will go under themselves while hypnotizing somebody. That said, this phenomenon is frequently mentioned only in passing, without any kind of description of what it's like. Alert EMCSA readers will occasionally see it portrayed by the writers who really know what they're doing - Jukebox has worked the phenomenon into a few of his stories, sometimes implicitly and sometimes explicitly.

Since I like to fill in gaps I see in the info out there on hypno-domming, I thought I'd throw in my own experience of hypnotist's trance - especially since I am often asked what I am getting out of hypno-play as the dom, and really, this is a huge part of the answer to that.

When I am hypnotizing somebody - my world closes around the two of us. My focus shifts entirely to the person I'm working with. My brain, my mouth, my voice, even to some extent my eyes - these all go on autopilot. My voice becomes soft, seductive, and soothing. My thoughts become entirely fixated on the other person, and I feel wrapped in the exhilarating feeling that there is nobody else in the world except the two of us, that nothing else in the outside world matters - all that matters is this one erotic, beautiful moment between us. For the entire induction process, I act rather than think - I smoothly shift my brain and transform into a well-oiled hypnotizing machine, able to rattle off all of my stock inductions, becoming so finely attuned to my hypnotized partner that I automatically adjust any time one of my methods is clearly not working, or whenever I know of a method that I'm sure will work even better. The trial and error inherent in sussing out the best way to work with somebody flows together into one continuous process.

(This is yet another reason why negotiation is so all-important - I need a plan beforehand, and while I remain in control enough to avoid things that I know are pitfalls or bad areas for my partner, I nonetheless need some guidance so that I can set up a framework prior to entering this autopilot state.)

There's a major ego trip involved, obviously - those feelings of omnipotence, isolation, and power all feel great.

I've definitely done hypnosis sessions where I haven't entered this state as strongly - where I've had more awareness of the world around me (usually by necessity - gotta account for these things even as I'm making sure that they don't interfere with the session), where I've been distracted by other things, where I've had to take a step back and re-adjust because none of my approaches have been working.

But when I do a well-negotiated hypnosis session with somebody, where I know what to do and how to do it beforehand - where I'm able to let go, let that person become my entire world, let myself ride the rush that I get from making it all happen and feeling my voice smoothly shift gears to handle the situation -

That is just a sample of what I'm getting out of hypno-domming.

Roleplaying in the Dungeon with Lovely Petal

After a smashing first session, Petal and I of course arranged for another. This time, each of us wanted to explore a specific role play suggestion - I suggested a little robot play, and Petal was interested in being hypnotized to shamelessly flirt with me. We had a few other things on our to-do list, but that was the main thrust of it.

Let's just say that the results were fascinating. Also: sexy.

Her first request was that she call me "Master" for this session. Well...I decided to be mischievous with this one. After putting her under (I may have accidentally clinked her glasses with my pocket watch in the process, thereby embarrassing myself mightily?), I gave her the suggestion that she would feel compelled to say "Master" at the end of every sentence - and that she would not remember this suggestion, but she would notice it once it happened. So I woke her up:

Spiral: So! How're you feeling?
Petal: I feel good. ...Master. *looks surprised and bemused*
Spiral: Notice anything different?
Petal: I see you've given me some suggestions. ...Master.

This put her in a really nice, subby headspace for the entire session - that constant reminder of submission had her feeling "like a pet," in her own words. :)

I then ran through a lot of physical domination suggestions, interspersed with freezing and Mind Tricks. At one point, I jerked her head back by the hair while placing my hand threateningly over her throat. She instantly dropped into a dreamy, subby headspace, and asked if I had planted any suggestions to make that happen. I replied honestly that I did not - I just remembered what she likes!

This suggestion remained active for the whole session, which was VERY interesting when we did the "shameless flirting" scene. This scene involved giving Petal suggestions that she would feel very aroused, very flirtatious, very bold, and more aggressive than usual. (Interestingly, her speech patterns became very formal under this suggestion - she noted afterward that most of her concept of flirting is largely influenced by Victorian romance novels, and it showed a little.) Anyway, the scene began with Petal coming on to me, offering to serve me...and me teasing back. Leading to this:

Spiral: And what will you do if I refuse?
Petal: Well, I am a switch, Master. *looks at me with an amused but challenging gleam in her eyes*
Spiral: Oh? *grins evilly, totally running into what comes next* And how do you propose to dominate me, then?
Petal: *suddenly, fluidly gripping my long hair and yanking my head back forcefully* I suppose I'd use some of the same techniques that others use to dominate me, Master...

Uh, that was really freaking HOT. Georgie had tried pulling my hair a while back, but backed off when Eve felt that my reaction indicated that I wouldn't enjoy it. As is, I didn't enjoy it much then, but I loved it this time. Petal experimented with my long locks at a slosh (about a month afterward), and discovered that the issue is that I like a very small amount of my hair being firmly gripped, but really dislike having a larger amount grabbed (in the latter case, my absurd sensitivity comes into play and it feels acutely uncomfortable). So, having the perfect hairstyle for hair-pulling isn't completely wasted on me!

The flirt scene continued - I escaped her hair pulling by freezing her, and proceeded to tease her a little more, with Mind Tricks and freezes that foiled her attempts at dominating me. I also pointed out that she was going to have a hard time taking control as long as she kept calling me "Master," which caused her to mock-pout at me because she could not stop.

I snapped her back to normal soon enough, and we had a fun discussion on some of the surprising turns her behavior took under the suggestion. :)

At this point, I re-established my pocket watch's ability to trap her mind and turn her into an empty shell. This would activate any time my watch was opened. I then left the watch out of the way on the same table where we kept our huge glasses of water...which meant that, when we took a water break, she inadvertently looked at it, trailed off in mid-sentence, and reverted to a mindless state. Would have been extremely hot if I'd planned it that way.... :) As is, it was a funny moment between friends. I shall have to be more careful in the future about stuff like that.

The robot scene was also very enjoyable. Petal naturally slipped into a stilted-but-still-monotone robot voice (pretty much exactly the level of stilted-ness that I like!), and I played around with a speech button ("I am a mindless robot" on her belly button), some call-and-response programming, and playing with her unreacting and obedient robot self.

The neatest part of this, though, was the post-scene discussion. Since the two states have similar effects (IE emotionless total obedience), I asked Petal how the robot state differed from the empty shell state. She replied that in the shell state, her mind was totally blank and the only thing she could think about was my voice, and my voice filled her head and compelled her to obey; in the robot state, her mind became filled with "code" that converted my commands into actions. She had difficulty explaining this to me (I'm not a computer geek, really, I just hang out with them!), but the main thrust was that her role-playing instincts kicked in and interpreted the robot suggestion in such a way that her headspace felt computerized. This was not my doing; my suggestions for the state mainly focused on the physical and outer aspect, with some bits here and there about being mindless and programmable. I have to say, it's a real joy playing with somebody who can creatively fill in gaps like that on the fly! :D

Interestingly, the "Master" suggestion faded immediately once we called an end to the scene. I went and gave her a clean-up trance anyway (after around an hour of cuddling and aftercare), but I found it fascinating that her shift in headspace was enough to clear a vocal compulsion without any help from a suggestion.

The thing I loved about this whole session was: surprise. I know I wrote at length about the kinds of surprises I don't like in my scenes - so it's perhaps a good thing that here, I get to note the kinds of surprises I enjoy. Creative interpretations of suggestions. The discovery that my partner is enjoying the scene in a way that I did not predict. A trigger popping up unexpectedly but pleasantly. Of course, the fact that I was dominating in this scene contributed to how well I took some of these - I may not have been as happy about the hair-pulling if I had been submitting; however, as a dominant with hypnotic control over the person doing it, I felt safe enough to enjoy it when it happened. Of course, it also helped that I trust Petal quite a lot - even in the midst of a hypnotically suggested role play, I felt confident that she would not hurt me and would stop if I asked (something I did not feel in the aforementioned "bad surprise" situation).

It's good to know that a safe, comfortable environment can make things I normally dislike more palatable - I hope to have a chance to submit in more situations where I feel more comfortable and less on guard!

Things I'm Sick of Seeing on Fetlife's "Kinky & Geeky"

I think it's clear that I'm kinky as hell. It should also be clear (in case it isn't) that I'm a class-A geek on several levels. I read Terry Pratchett and Atomic Robo; I watch Doctor Who and Kamen Rider; I own the entire DC Animated Universe and most of the DC Universe DTV movies on DVD; I play D&D; I collect toys (a lot less these days, but I still do). As it happens, I find that kink munches are an awesome way to meet more geeks, and since they also happen to be kinky, a lot of good friendships are forged based on multiple compatible factors.

Thus, it's no surprise that I'm a member of the Fetlife group "Kinky & Geeky." And sometimes I post on there, and often I read the posts there, and I find a lot of things that amuse me.

Two things that I'm really sick of seeing, though:

* "ZOMG! GEEKY WOMEN EXIST!! AND THEY'RE KINKY, TOO?!?"

Uh, yes. Yes, they do. Dunno about you, but I've managed to meet a never-ending stream of geeky women just by being a geek and doing geeky things I enjoy and talking to the women who also enjoy them. Also: treating those women like human beings who might just agree with me that certain things are awesome. In fact, I meet a lot more cis women than cis men who are into Doctor Who and Discworld.

To indulge in stereotyping for the purpose of a joke: if geeky women don't exist, who do you think is writing all that yaoi fanfiction? Most Fanfic Writers Are Girls, after all.

I realize that these threads are often just cheap tactics for creepy cis men to friend-request people, but there's this attitude behind that astonishment (and that tactic, for that matter) that just burns me.

A friend of mine (a cis female geek, as it happens) once said that I was one of the only guys (as in, single digits here) she'd ever met who looked her in the eye while talking to her. She is not even a particularly close friend of mine. You can say she's exaggerating, but if so, she made that particular exaggeration because on some level, that statement was true to her experience of the world. I cannot help but wonder how many of these guys, so astonished that geeky cis women exist at all, never met any geeky ladies because they were too busy treating women in general like members of another species.

Yeah. There are people other than cis males who enjoy D&D, comic books, Magic, or whatever other random thing. I really don't understand what is surprising about this. And please do something about the gratingly blatant gender essentialism and objectification inherent in this thinking. Thank you, demographic who will probably either never read this or deny what I have said.


* The webcomic Collar 6

OK, this one I probably don't have as much reason to rant about, because it's more about my personal ideals and views and passions regarding the kink scene. But: I HATE Collar 6.

I mean, I get it. It takes place in a fantasy world. However, the fact that it combines fantasy and reality in odd ways while indulging in stereotypes of BDSM...I don't know. I feel like it's fine to have a fantasy series about BDSM, but I don't like this one.

...but mostly I just hate the artwork. It uses that "all skin is shiny!" art thing that I see on a lot of comics, usually with the intent of making the characters look sexy. This shininess is a major pet peeve of mine - I don't understand how it's supposed to be sexy. OK, practically everyone in this comic seems to be wearing latex or leather, so at least there's a reason for it, but I have this deep-rooted association between "shiny anime-style people" and "sleaze."

[POSSIBLE BUSTED THINKING NOTE: I use the word "sleaze" to refer to pornography that is busted in mainstream ways - misogyny, male gaze, objectification, all of these are what I think of when I use the word. I apologize if anybody feels that my pejorative usage of this term demeans their sexual identity - I'm using it in a specific way to describe things that I feel should be less common than they are, and I encourage people to embrace the fluidity of language.]

Finally: this (TW: discussion of nonconsensual mind control that uses abuser's logic). Five women. One build. And if you guessed that that build is massive boobs and an impossibly thin waist, then congratulations, you get a No-Prize! I don't think there are any characters who even have different cup sizes in this comic.

Frankly, my favorite thing about the BDSM community is that I can get the hell away from a wider culture that seems to think that sex and sexuality are only OK for women who fit this mold. (If you want to read an awesome exploration of this subject, check out this blog post, which touches on body image/sexuality intersection eloquently.) I like being in a group where people of all ages, shapes, gender presentations, etc. can stand up and say: "I have a sex life!" There's a reason I don't link Collar 6 on the right-hand side of this blog, and why I instead point you, the reader, toward Nic Buxom: an utterly fantastic comic about BDSM that features a lot of different body types among its characters, both cis male and cis female (along with some discussion about prejudice toward gender presentation and fat).

So, uh, I suppose I should have a "live and let live" attitude toward this comic. There is nothing inherently wrong about it, from what I have seen - and the author has made at least one really admirable gesture in portraying aftercare and addressing the problems with some of the fantasy scenarios. I admit that I hate it mostly for its superficial aspects: its art, its use of generic attractiveness. I guess I'm just annoyed that the most popular webcomic about BDSM is one about a fantasy world and one that sticks to a tried-and-true big boobs/wasp waist model of sexuality and attractiveness. But, I can also at least recognize that Collar 6 has a big advantage over the webcomics I prefer - it updates regularly and doesn't take long hiatuses. I still say that Nic Buxom is a better read (and fully support the author's hiatus - she has a life!); however, where webcomics are concerned, regularity breeds popularity.

(After all, I'm still reading Misfile almost entirely because it updates five times a week on the dot, and it has never pissed me off enough to stop reading.)

---------------------------------------------------------------

This has been a rant with feminist intentions, which may have busted aspects and judgmental attitudes.

Into the Dungeon with Lovely Petal

Well, for a little bit, I may be making a few posts in anachronic order. I wanted to get this one up simply because I wanted to make a post about some of the awesome people in my current area of residence. Yes, I've relocated - meaning that I'm now quite a long ways away from Georgie, Eve, Pet Ferret, Miomi, and all the other wonderful people I've blogged about before (and the other awesome people that I haven't blogged about). I miss them, and I still keep in touch online, and I'm a better person because of all the great people I met there.

Relocating didn't slow me down much, though. One of the handy things about doing erotic hypnosis is that not a whole lot of people do it. Any time I get out in the local kink scene - whether here or in my previous residence - I am the only hypnofetishist, and in fact the only person who has done whole scenes built around hypnosis. I meet some people who know quite a bit about hypnosis, even some people who have used it - but nobody else who specializes in it and performs whole sessions with it.

As such: I attract attention. The good kind! Once the "name and kink" icebreaker ends, I tend to attract a smattering of people who hear about the new, unusual fetish and react with "Oooh, shiny! Tell me more!" (It also helps that I always bring along my signature shiny object - the pocket watch!)

One of these people was Lovely Petal. She truly is lovely in all ways, and had been hypnotized before - once at a stage show, and afterwards by her then-boyfriend. As such, she knew ahead of time that she was really, really susceptible, and in particular that she was capable of amnesia. Both were very handy bits of knowledge!

In fact, the first time I hypnotized Petal was at a munch - I was still "the new guy with the new fetish," so a few people asked to see a demonstration. I asked for volunteers, and Petal's hand shot up like a bullet. :D As it happens, she had previously been hypnotized via a hands-stuck induction, so I had no problem re-inducing her with the "have the hypnotee recollect an induction" technique. The hands-stuck-together-and-unable-to-move induction then flowed right into a freeze, and then posing, and then limp arms. I played with these suggestions a little bit as each one came up, and she had a huge grin on her face the whole time. As a result of this, both of us were very excited to scene together properly.

Petal's husband, KenjiSama - another lovely individual :) - was on hand for the session as co-top. This was the first scene I ever did inside somebody's personal dungeon!

Petal's susceptibility meant that I could do pretty much anything for the induction - so of course I chose a pocket watch induction! I followed it up with a deepening patterned after the Elman induction (eye closure, progressive relaxation, arm drop, count down, fractionation), and gave her the trigger "Sleepy Pet Petal" to put her under.

After this, I began freezing her and posing her. She preferred being unable to speak while frozen, and she is the second person I have yet hypnotized who is capable of frozen expressions. So I could freeze a smile on her face as easily as a movement of her arms - very nice. Before taking away her ability to speak, I removed her top while she was frozen - and she commented on how weird it was not to be able to help out.

After that little bit of sexy freeze play, I took Petal even deeper - using my watch to put her conscious mind to sleep along with her body. In our negotiation, she told me that she loved being called "helpless," or told that she could not resist. Naturally, I used the mantras "Can't resist, must obey" and "I am helplessly hypnotized" to deepen her trance. To play with the amnesia, I gave her two post-hypnotic triggers: a "Pause" trigger for an unaware freeze, and the Jedi Mind Trick. KenjiSama was also able to use both of these triggers on her.

From there, the three of us had a blast with these two - Kenji and I could use the Mind Tricks to get Petal to do just about anything (kneeling; making her arms limp; making her put back the crop that I placed in her hand while she was paused; getting her on all fours for a spanking; getting her out of the rest of those pesky clothes). Interestingly, she interpreted the suggestion so that once she was Mind Tricked into a position, such as all fours, she would stay there until commanded otherwise - which was very handy for teasing her and reinforcing that feeling of helplessness!

The "Pause" trigger was great for the co-topping dynamic - Kenji and I could concoct evil plans whenever she was frozen, in addition to messing with her by moving around or placing things in her hands while she was unaware. Probably my favorite was removing her glasses. :)

Ah, and then the first main event of the evening. During our negotiation, I had mentioned the idea of trapping Petal's will outside of her body, leaving her body a mindless, empty shell to be ordered around and used. Her response to the idea: "May we please, pretty please?" I brought the watch back out - and this time I opened it up, and while swinging it, I suggested that she would feel her mind being sucked out into the watch, and that once her mind was completely in the watch, she would announce "My mind is gone." Once she did so, I closed the watch to "trap" her mind there.

At this point, Petal was completely blank - able to be ordered around, repositioned; all while glassy-eyed and expressionless and utterly unresisting and totally obedient. After playing with her like this for a while, I opened the watch and "released" her will for a while, to check that she was enjoying it as much as she hoped.

Once I confirmed that she was OK with moving on, I expanded my power over her in the empty shell state - I suggested that I could control what she felt, as well as what she did. This gave me the ability to make her feel pleasurable sensations at will.

Now, the second main event. Petal had said that she wanted to try coming on command, but she didn't know if she could do it. In an unrelated conversation, KenjiSama had mentioned a clicker that the pair of them had played with.

I gave Lovely Petal the suggestion that every click of the clicker would give her a surge of arousal and pleasure - but she wouldn't be able to orgasm until I ordered her to. So I began clicking...and clicking...and clicking rapid-fire...and clicking some more...Kenji took over playing with her physically for a bit, while I kept up the clicking at a steady pace. Petal slowly became less and less articulate as I ramped up her arousal - and finally, I asked her if she was ready to come, she gasped out a dreamy "Yes," and I gave the order.

I don't think I'm going to forget the look of sheer, unbridled delight on her face any time soon. :D

So afterward, there was some cuddling, and a lot of water-drinking, and some very fun conversation among the three of us (in other words: aftercare, it is awesome).

And this was not my last time playing with Petal...but that will be saved for later, mwahaha.

Normalization of Consent

To perk up the mood of the blog really quickly (I currently have three blog posts partly written, and they're quite entertaining if I say so myself), I thought I'd post a cool counterpoint to the last post. Specifically, I'm taking an excuse to quote something that I've wanted in my blog's text for a while.

I was Skyping with Georgie over the summer, and we were talking about...something to do with consent, or the sordid experiences in the last post, or porn. (Probably porn. Or maybe all three.) And I mentioned how the first porn site I really got into was Entrancement Video - and how glad I was that my kinks were shaped in part by that site's solicitation for models. Or rather, their public rejection of the skeevy requests they had gotten:

We do NOT want to hear from people who know they could "convince" their girlfriend/wife to participate. Nor will we honor requests from people who would like us to come and hypnotize the lady, but not tell her why. We are also not interested in "hot sex with my sub if you can hypnotize her." We have heard all of these and more. As a rule, we discuss the video with the woman prior to any hypnosis or filming and we always receive her written consent in advance.

What we DO want are sincere female models, over 18. No experience necessary. We will travel to you if that is convenient. (Hey, we went to England for some of these tapes, you can't be that much further away!) References are available on request.

[Copied and pasted via the Wayback Machine.]

This was my first exposure to explicit SSC attitudes. It also spelled out that this whole fetish didn't have to be a fucked-up power fantasy, and that it could be about two people working out an informed, consensual agreement for mutual enjoyment. (Prior to this, I went through a lot of emotional turmoil over the ethics of the whole "turned on by controlling people" thing.)

Georgie summed it up best:

"THAT is HOT!"

M/M Hypno Singles Mayhem

So, here's another post I've wanted to write for a while.

Over the summer, I decided to try out some male-for-male hypnosis singles sites. Specifically, I set up an account on hypnotising.org and the IRC chatroom #gayhypnosis to see if I could find a good hypnotist to put me under online. I figured, I wasn't finding any good hypnotists on Fetlife, maybe they would be easier to find on a hypnosis-only site.

...um...

Hypnotists were easy to find, yes. Good hypnotists? Not so easy.

The following vignettes are not in chronological order, but rather in the order that it feels natural in which to tell them. I'd also like to preface this by saying that I realize that I still didn't get anywhere near the level of crap that so many people get just for presenting as female on Fetlife or other sites.


Older Dude in #gayhypnosis

This guy invited me to a private chat. Wanting the same treatment that I would give any of my subjects, I grilled him on what he would like to do with me in a first session. The answer was something along the lines of, "Oh, just put you under and feel things out."

Then I asked what he would like to do after that. Answer: "Fly out to [hometown deleted] and buy a collar for you," followed by a lengthy, way-too-detailed description of how special this collar would be.

...I responded that I was definitely not looking for what he was looking for.

I changed my hometown from [actual hometown] to "Variable" immediately afterward. He private messaged me again the next time I was in the room, wondering (not unkindly) why I was there, when I had already found "what [I] was looking for" and found it not to my liking.

Do I really need to explain where this guy went wrong?


Couldn't Be Sexy If He Tried

Another guy private-messaged me in hypnotising.org's own chatroom, asking to hypnotize me. He asked me what I liked, and I pointed him toward my hypnotising.org profile, which explicitly outlines everything that I like, as well as my hard limits.

His response? "Oh, I've done all of those things."

My inner response: "...suuuuuuuurrrrrrre you have."
My chatroom response: "Ooh, can you tell me about some scenes you've done, then?"

His response to that: "Oh, I don't kiss and tell."

So, OK, this guy's already making my Bullshit Detector go off. But I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt - I mean, I've done everything on my list as a hypnotist, right? And not everyone is comfortable disclosing their scene details.

Well, then he starts bragging about all the cool things he likes to do...one of which was "dumb jock" suggestions, which are right at the top of my hard limits. In fact, by this point my profile explicitly opened with "IF YOU WANT A JOCK, LOOK ELSEWHERE." So I pointed out that he seemed to be confusing my want-list with my limit-list.

As he continued to talk in circles and not give me any specifics whatsoever, I told him, "give me something to fantasize about!" He responded, "I don't work with fantasy, I only work with reality." (Yay for missing the point?)

At this point I've given up on salvaging anything from this guy, so I give up trying to be coy and tell him that he is not making himself remotely appealing, on any level.

Spiral: come on, give me SOMETHING to get me interested!
Not-Sexy-Guy: lol, i'm interested in you.

...yeah, you and a bunch of other horny hypnotists on this site, I'll need a little more than that.

Denouement: The next day, he invited me to watch him put another guy under on cam in a private chatroom. Or, rather, he was inviting me to put another guy under on cam - there was a massive miscommunication (which says something about his communication skills) that led to him thinking I was going to be the hypnotist, when in fact I figured I might as well check out his hypnotism skills and see if he was at least any good.

After the miscommunication was cleared up, he proceeded to put under the other room-goer with a hands-stuck induction. The hypnotee did not have a microphone; he was only able to communicate by typing - and this guy did a hands-stuck induction. Hands-stuck is my default, but I'm perceptive enough to know when it is a terrible idea - and by then, I'd learned to be disturbed by any hypnotist who would deprive his hypnotee of a means to communicate.

Not-Sexy Hypnotist proceeded to be utterly baffled and lost when this induction didn't work. So, not only did he use a poor method, he didn't have any backup plan when it failed.

Sigh.


Mr. Douche 'Tist

Here's the main event. There were some other mishaps, but these three were the most notable, and this one was by far the experience that left the biggest impression.

The first day I was on the site, I threw out messages to a bunch of hypnotists who seemed vaguely interesting. Not that I had a lot to go on; most of the profiles on this site only had a sentence or two. So I messaged people who at least had decent grammar and professed some kind of nerdiness.

I soon got a reply from a guy that I will refer to exclusively as Mr. Douche 'Tist. We chatted a bit on YIM, did some half-decent negotiation, and got on Skype for the trancing.

The first hypnosis session was, frankly, awesome. He had me freezing and posing in all sorts of positions, stripping in fun ways, feeling REALLY subby with a "good boy" trigger, and generally having a blast. His induction technique was also fantastic - I was legitimately impressed.

That said, there was one red flag that came up in this: up front, during negotiation, I stated that I didn't want any amnesia. He agreed to that. However, he proceeded to be surprised that I was fully aware and conscious every time I froze. Silly me, I just figured he defined "amnesia" differently, and I shouldn't be concerned.

(I think I'm right that he just defined it differently, but I still consider that a red flag.)

I proceeded to float in subspace for an hour after the session, which was reeeeeeaalllly nice.

My second session with him...hoo boy.

He messaged me, asking if I wanted to do another trance. I was up for it at the time, and asked what he wanted to do that night. He replied, vaguely, that he just wanted to do some freezing scenes. I was like, cool, sounds perfect to me right now.

Well, he used and reinforced the triggers from the last session. I should mention that I was starting to be impressed with my own ability to freeze in place - every time he used the freeze trigger, I was stock-still and it was awesome.

And then...

...well, first, while I was frozen, he suggested that I would unfreeze as a puppy. Won't lie, this is something I've wanted to do for ages, so I didn't mind - except that I had told him that I had to be quiet (someone else in the house was sleeping), so barking loudly was right out. So, I became a puppy for a minute or two, but I couldn't really get into it and I was very quiet. After he brought me back out, I explained that my headspace was messed up by the noise issue. He proceeded to look bored, freeze me in the middle, and leave me to awkwardly continue after being unfrozen.

Again: I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Freezing someone mid-conversation is par for the course. But it sent up another red flag that he would do this while I was explaining a problem, and I was irritated that he didn't seem interested at all in my issue.

So, he froze me again, and this time he suggested that when I unfroze, I'd be a cave man.

...that took me completely off guard. It was a hard limit I didn't even know I had, because I hadn't even given this fetish any thought. So, when I unfroze, the suggestion flat-out didn't work, and I told him that that kind of play just wasn't my thing.

OK. Here's where it takes a turn for the fucked-up.

Mr. Douche 'Tist (this is where he earns the title) then put me back under, and gave me a series of new triggers and suggestions. One of those suggestions was that he would be able to change my opinions on things. I outright rejected that one when he asked if I understood and accepted it. He woke me up, said it was fine that some things weren't working, then put me back under and, after a very lengthy deepening, he suggested that I would wake up with no free will.

Ordinarily, that would be really hot to me. But this guy had already surprised me with an unnegotiated kind of fetish play, then tried to give me a suggestion to change my opinions, and now he wanted me to be mindless - one right after the other, without so much as a pause to talk to me. This was not a good sequence of events for ensuring my trust.

Keep in mind - I was still in a really floaty, subby headspace this whole time. I was having trouble stringing together any kind of coherent protest - and he didn't give me the time or prompting to allow me to.

So I woke up, supposed to be lacking in free will (by the way, he didn't give me a chance to "accept" this suggestion), and I told him (still floaty, still rambly) that there were still some things I wouldn't do, even though I felt really submissive and obedient.

His response: "Sorry, [pseudonym I was using], you're not working out as a volunteer." *signs off*

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

No aftercare. Didn't even wake me up out of the subby headspace he had just built. Didn't ask me to elaborate on anything that had gone wrong, or why it had gone wrong.

Since I like to believe the best in people, I tried to see it from his perspective: he probably thought I was a faker, and that there was no point in doing anything if I were lying about being hypnotized.

Still: throwing in suggestions without negotiating them is pretty awful to me. I know there are hypno-subs out there who love it (including, from my chatting, most of the subs on hypnotising.org), but I stated up front that I wanted to negotiate things thoroughly before doing them. Furthermore, I find it outrageous that he didn't give me time or prompting to communicate any problems with him after I had resisted three suggestions in a short period of time. I know that in that situation, I would have asked my subject if there was a persistent problem, and if they would even want to continue. But no, this guy steamrolled ahead past my resistance, and decided that I wasn't worth aftercare if I wasn't going to fulfill his whims.

Yeah, this wasn't exactly a worst-case scenario. Maybe I'm disproportionately pissed off. But the more I think about it, the more this guy is a model for how not to scene with people, and the more justified I feel in saying that he was a selfish douchebag.

What I Learned from Mr. Douche 'Tist: I learned a lot about communication. I like to think I already knew how important it was to check in regularly and ask how everything was going, but this really hammered it into me by putting me on the receiving end of half-assed care. This guy showed only token concern for my desires or needs, only caring about his own desires when push came to shove.


Conclusion:

Not all of my experiences on hypnotising.org and in #gayhypnosis have been bad ones. I've chatted to some really cool hypnofetishists - mostly hypnotees - and had good conversations. I even met some ethical hypnotists and assorted good people. I even chatted to some hypnotists who seemed really awesome, and who took the time to get to know me; even if it turned out that we weren't compatible, I was much more warmed by those experiences than the hot session with Mr. Douche 'Tist. But the sheer, overwhelming selfishness and douchebaggery that I witnessed pissed me off because it was more common.

Maybe these two sites are so filled with this behavior because moderation is non-existent. Or maybe I'm finding out the hard way what it's like to be hit on by people made confident and self-assured by male privilege. Maybe all the predators on the site made these awkward and way-too-forward flirting methods look viable, because at least they bothered to come after token attempts to get to know a person. It baffled me, because I just couldn't imagine some of these approaches (like the first two vignettes) being appealing to anybody. The real kicker, Mr. Douche 'Tist actually has a really good reputation around thereabouts - it seems not being a predator makes him look good in comparison, and he probably doesn't often run into subjects as high-maintenance as myself. (That's not an excuse for him, by the way - if your sub needs care, they should get it. Period.)

Argh.

This has been Frustrated, Snarky, Pissed-Off Spiral. In the next post, I hope to bring back Sexy, Fun-Loving, Happy Spiral.

Puppets, Dolls, and Robots

I thought it would be useful to make a post about this, since (in my time on hypno-fetish singles sites) this has been the single most common point of confusion among other hypno-fetishists.

(I also figure, if I post every time I feel like posting, it'll keep me in gear to make sure I don't have any other half-a-year-between-session-and-post situations.)

Of note, ASFR is the hypnosis stuff that I most enjoy as a subject/submissive. Being frozen, being called a puppet, being a robot: I like. If I'm hypnotizing somebody else, I still love it, but I also enjoy blank mind, limp body, and sensation/pleasure suggestions just as much.

So, here are my thoughts on the Big Three sub-fetishes of ASFR:

On "Puppet":

I LOVE the word "puppet." However, I don't find puppets particularly sexy. When I use the word in my fetish play, I'm not thinking about what a puppet is. I'm thinking about what the word "puppet" implies: a being completely under the control of somebody else. This can relate to hypnotized-to-be-a-marionette scenarios (like this one and around 4:09 in this video); however, while I enjoy those (ESPECIALLY being on the receiving end), they're not a very big Thing for me. And speaking of the receiving end, if I'm going to be a marionette, it has to be a human marionette, I don't really want to be hypnotized to feel like I'm made of wood or whatever.

(One of the reasons they're not a big Thing for me, it should be noted, is that it's difficult as hell to make them work in a satisfactory way. Either the hypnotist has to painstakingly describe every single movement of the "strings," or the subject has to be able to see every movement of the hypnotist's hands, or only two body parts can be moved at once, ARGH, it's more trouble than it's worth.)

So, to sum: it's the word, and its accompanying metaphorical concept, that I find sexy as hell.


On Dolls:

OK, doll fetish is a little different. I do occasionally go nuts for "doll" clothes (one of my Fet friends has a Raggedy Anne outfit; I'm a big fan, even though she uses it for age play instead of doll play) and doll makeup.

However, like "puppet," I primarily enjoy "doll" as a metaphorical concept. In this case, it implies not only a being under control, but a being that exists to be played with. "Puppet" implies this, too, I suppose, but I tend to use "doll" in a more playful sense.

This word also has some personal significance to me, because in my early days of hypno-playing, I found that the word resonated with many of my hypnosis play partners in an unexpected way. I started using it at first because I personally thought that "doll" described freezing-and-posing better than "mannequin" (which is more commonly used on hypno-porn sites) - I mean, most mannequins I see aren't very poseable, so "life-sized doll" always seemed like a better description when explaining the concept to a play partner.

I found, to my surprise, that this description seemed to awaken a new turn-on in several of my partners. Obviously, this is not the case with everybody, but it happened often enough that the word gained a strong positive association for me.

"Doll play," as a fetish, often has a distinct objectification element. I'm REALLY not sure if that's part of my own doll kink. When I use the word (and when it gets a positive reaction), my mind turns to the idea of a doll who actively enjoys being played with and posed. I like to see a subject's reactions to being posed. And I always give my hypnotee the choice of being able to speak or mute when they're frozen - I often enjoy having a conversation while posing somebody. But the idea of reducing a thinking, conscious person to a thoughtless object IS appealing to me, if only on a fantasy level (or on a "happening to me" level - my submissive fantasies tend to be less inhibited than my dominant fantasies). And I also enjoy frozen expressions and blank stares indicating mindlessness, which seems inherently dehumanizing. My doll scenes tend to emphasize being frozen more as a kind of bondage than as a dehumanizing experience...but that word, "doll," and its objectification implications, remains.

Long and short on objectification: I could probably come up with an awesome objectification scene if I were playing with somebody into that kink, but I can discard it in a heartbeat and have never pursued it actively.


On Robots:

I know exactly where I stand on robot kink, which is awesome!

I enjoy robot play purely on a superficial level. Stiff, monotone, holding still unless obeying a command, not reacting to outside stimulus, speaking only when spoken to - these superficial aspects are all incredibly sexy to me. I often get the same thrill out of non-robot scenes - like blank mind scenes.

I'm also interested in trying a "mad scientist turns the captive and bound victim into a robo" role play. It seems like it would be a more fun "mad scientist" scenario than a straight brainwashing or a mind control ray.

But I'm not really turned on by robots. I'm turned on by people (or myself) acting like robots as a result of hypnotic suggestion. I also have strict preferences: I like monotone voices, I HATE stilted voices. Perky robots just aren't my thing.

Metaphorically, "robot" also makes a good metaphor for someone under control, but I prefer to keep it separate since I enjoy the specific role play.

As for other robot trappings: I like clockwork/wind-up toy suggestions, although they're sometimes awkward to make work (much easier than marionette scenes, though). I would love to do a remote control scene, but it either involves doing some very complicated things with a Bluetooth headset or describing what button the hypnotist is pressing and what it does each and every time - so it's a bit too much work considering I like vocal commands just fine. I'm not into full robot costumes, but a silver one-piece bathing suit would be hot for robot scenes. If I'm the subject, being nude would be preferable to any kind of outfit.

Perhaps notably, the robot trapping I most enjoy is some kind of object - a collar, a headband, a helmet, a ring - that stops the subject's thoughts and turns them into a biological robot (see: the infamous "Ring Around Gilligan" MC scenes).


...so, I think that's all I have to say about my ASFR kinks, unless I feel like editing this post sometime. I don't know what kind of feedback I can get on this - maybe from my previous play partners who have their own perspectives on how these kinks play out - but anyone who wants to start a conversation with me about this will likely make me happy, because I'm really interested in teasing out the intellectual aspects that this kink holds for me (since it's all tied up in words and concepts as much as types of play).

Later, all!